Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
