At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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