you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
