I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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