I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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