When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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