I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The uberlube is also flammable
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
