He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
