I molested 6 butterflies tonight
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
