Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
