he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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