One girl and one boy is just not enough.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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