How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
