he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
