She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
