CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
