I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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