Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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