Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
