I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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