:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
