I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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