so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
