I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
