I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
