I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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