He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
