glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
well you can't waste a boner
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
