you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
