ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Your penis caused this!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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