Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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