Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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