he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
