It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
