he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
