yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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