All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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