New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
