you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
