I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
