when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
