in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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