hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
