some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She needs sedatives and a leash
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
