Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
