Jerry, you need to find god
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
