Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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