I'm lost and stupid without you.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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