I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
