He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
